Ignore me
I’m so reluctant nowadays.
Reluctant to talk.
Reluctant to get out from the house.
Reluctant to do anything else accept watching anime and playing the violin.
Partially, I put the blame on my PMS. PMS was not that bad when I’ve something to do.
Now that I’ve nothing to do, (Nothing productive at the moment) my thoughts and emotions goes on a rampage. I ignore you because what you said annoys me. The only way that prevents me from raising my voice and yell at you is for me to ignore your little remarks that you made about me.
Is not that I don’t care. Its not that that its not important to me. I know what I’m doing so please, I’m begging you. Let me have things my way. If you have any questions regarding not-so-important-little-issues that is bothering you, go find it out from someone else!
I have my own problems to deal with, I have my own dilemmas but have you ever wonder who am I pouring those thoughts to? NOBODY. Why is that? Because you would never understand! Its always you.you.you.YOU. I know you brought me up and everything and that I’ve to obey and respect you but isn’t that what I’m doing right now? What more are you asking for?
On the other hand, I just discovered that the thing that I’m lacking might be courage. I tend to chicken out on a lot of things. That is why I also have a lot of ‘What ifs…’ Or maybe its just because too long hours of staying indoors and lack of communication made me think that way. I just don’t dare to take the risk, for I’m afraid to lose what I have. But then again, what do I have?
Filling up those slots for the university intake forms were hard for me. I have problem choosing the course that I want. There was once I thought that I might go all out for Chemistry but then again my Chemistry results that came out a few days ago was just a so-so. Disappointing even. I can put the blame on the person who stole my Chem revision book and my own lecture notes two weeks before exam, but was it really the thief’s fault? Or was it because I lost my concentration after that event. Am I really suppose to pursue a course in Chemistry?
Why is life so confusing?
Life without a clear goal is so depressing. Its like a ghost stuck between hell and heaven, wondering among humans.
And PMS makes the whole matter a lot more worse. The only thing that is preventing me from killing myself is that I can’t find a nicer blade.
Oh don’t worry, I was just joking. But just in case that happens, you’ll know why.
Tempted to cosplay Alice from Pandora Hearts. Hohoho~ =D
